My Personal Struggles.
I should start this post by saying I have a great life. John is the best husband,father and partner in life, a gal could ask for. And my kids are happy and healthy… And for that I am so so grateful.
If you’ve been following me for a while (you can read more about me HERE) you know I am from Poland. I have been here for 15 years. John and I have been together for over a decade now. And in the time together we have had so many life changes. We moved around for work, had kids, bought houses, changed jobs. Once back in 2008 we got laid off from our jobs (we used to work for the same company) on the same day. Talking about highs and lows!
Anyways I wanted to throw this out there because it all brings me to the point in life … TODAY. I seriously feel I have been homeless since 2009. Yes I have had a roof over my head. But we have been in and out of rentals, we bought homes, renovated homes and ended up selling them shortly after because of another work related move. I can say I am always up for another adventure with my hubby. But friends I am exhausted.
You know once you get pregnant the “nesting” kicks in. Well I never had a chance to do that. If or when we move again, this will be Reese’s 7th bedroom. And she’s only 7 years old. She has been asking us to paint her room pink and decorate it. And I have not been able to that for her…yet. Grant of course is unaffected because he is too little. He is turning 3 this month … and this will be his third move.
I have shared our struggles with house hunting on stories. I found a house I fell in love with, but the deal fell through because of (we just recently found this out) poor communication between realtors, lawyers and sellers. I was heartbroken but I moved on from that house. Since then there were two other homes we wanted to buy. One seller wanted us to remove mortgage contingency from the contract, we would never agree to that, so that deal was dead. And another seller didn’t accept our offer because other buyer had a higher down payment than us. Well there’s nothing we can do about that. Still searching for that money tree in my backyard haha
So here we are mid May… we have to be out of our current rental by the end of July. Which leaves us 2.5 months to find and close on a home. I have not been able to sleep at night… I struggle with daily activities. My life reminds me of an old commercial for depression medication “depression hurts, but you don’t have to” . So weird how I remember that line haha i guess that’s some good marketing. But seriously I never knew what that meant until now.
I have been so affected but this housing situation, that I have not been present in my own life. I just go through motions of my daily tasks. I am so behind at work, I don’t feel the drive or energy for it. I do what needs to be done for my kids… I take care of them. But I feel like I am faking life because on the inside I am really struggling. Reese’s Holy Communion is this weekend and I am trying so hard to pull myself together.
If you read this, you may think… get over yourself, just get another rental. And yes, my problems may seem so minute in comparison to what others may be dealing with in life. I get that. But being so transient, and that unsettled feeling really took a toll on me. I need to feel settled, even for a little bit. I have been watching my friends buy or build homes…and I am so happy for them. Is it too much to want the same for my family? John tells me not to worry, that we will find a place for us. Worst comes to worst we’ll stay in a hotel for a bit. That sounds so fun… until you remember you have two kids bouncing off the walls. How long can we stay in a hotel for? Few weeks at most. And then what? I guess we can give it our best shot, and if stars don’t align, find another house to rent or apartment.
Anyways I wanted to share what’s happening in my life with you all. This post just felt necessary for me to write, almost CATHARTIC… I know deep down we will be fine. The next weeks or month may just be even more tense and stressful, but we will get through it. I am not super religious but I do believe in GOD and power of prayer. I know everything happens for a reason, and certain tough times just prepare us for what’s to come.
I will keep you all posted on our situation. But in the mean time, keep us in your prayers or send positive vibes our way.
Anna
***the picture is from the last house we owned. We renovated it and made it my “dream home”. Sadly we only got to live there for few months before John was promoted and we moved to NY.
May 9, 2018 @ 4:38 pm
Thanks for sharing your story. I can totally relate on so many levels. My husband and I have moved 8 times in 11 years – 6 times by the time my son was 6 years old – and similarly due to job moves, layoffs, etc. And so funny as well since my husband and I were also working together at the same company and were laid off on the same day! I can tell you that I felt the same thing…sadness and anxiety and frustration and exhaustion over having to move so many times. At one point I literally felt like was going to have a nervous breakdown if we had to move again. Since we live in CA and home prices are so crazy, we decided for the last move to secure a rental for a long-term lease (4 yrs). I know it’s not technically our own home but we found a landlord who was willing to let us paint and make other minor improvements so we could feel at home.
Anyway, just know that what you’re feeling is completely normal!!! And as you said, things do work out for a reason. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and sending you all of my positive thoughts and prayers that you find the perfect home soon!
Love reading your blog and seeing your Insta posts!
May 9, 2018 @ 4:46 pm
Thank you so much Linda. It is so comforting to know we are not the only ones in this situation. So great you were able to get a long term rental. And Cali weather must be so nice! We finally got a glimpse of spring here in NY.
Thank you again for leaving this comment and the kind words.
XX,
Anna
May 9, 2018 @ 5:21 pm
Anna! I’m so sorry you’re going through this – I hope you guys find your dream home ASAP!
Thanks for sharing – I’m sure you feel so much better even writing this out. A little goes a long way!
– Alina
http://www.theclosetcrush.com
May 9, 2018 @ 5:41 pm
Thanks so much Alina! I actually do feel better… sometimes i guess it’s good to air things out.
XX,
Anna
May 9, 2018 @ 6:11 pm
Everyone has something, I love how you started out saying what you are thankful for though, that is what gets you through
Briana
https://beyoutifulbrunette.com/
May 9, 2018 @ 6:39 pm
Thank you so much! Trying to keep perspective and be grateful.
XX,
Anna
May 9, 2018 @ 7:46 pm
We all have struggles, and everyone copes with them differently! You seem so happy, loving and like you have it all together. When in reality we don’t. I felt the same way about my outside life. I had to be outgoing, and funny meaning; I couldn’t let others see my inner thoughts and emotions. We are afraid to speak about our depression and anxiety but it’s being vulnerable that attracts the right people to your life to help you through the motions. It must be overwhelming, it must be exhausting, and just because no one else FEELS, it does not mean it’s not real! You will get through this! Don’t forget to take care of yourself, in order to take care of your loved ones at your full potential and to be the best version of you! Xoxo
May 10, 2018 @ 1:03 am
Thank you so much for this message Karely. I was just thinking today I need to really get it together and take care of myself and my health. I feel like I have lost years of my life during this process.
Thank again for this. Needed to hear that.
XX,
Anna
May 9, 2018 @ 8:51 pm
I felt that exact same way going threw my home buying saga. I woke up everyday because I had to, took care of my kids and was just drained from the constant wonder of what is going to happen with this house !?? I found strength I didn’t know I had, I packed boxes not knowing where I was going to be living. I lost 5 pounds from just being too sad. I completely feel for you because you have more then just yourself to worry about and answer too. My family is from westchester ny and I know that market is toughhhhh. I am keep all my fingers and toes crossed that you will have peace of mind very soon & you will find your family the house that speaks to you ! ❤️
May 10, 2018 @ 1:00 am
wow Megan! our stories are so similar. Thank you so much for sharing. I have been so down… just waiting on this to be over.
XX,
Anna
May 9, 2018 @ 9:18 pm
Thank you for sharing your story! Know that you are not alone! Before finding our current house, we looked for a year. The market is insane right now and extremely competitive. We actually was in the process of closing on a home and the entire thing flooded from a bursted pipe due to the neglect of the seller. We were devastated but ended up finding our current home. I am so much happier with this home! It’s our starter home but everything I wanted and more!
One door closes so another one can open. Those other houses didn’t work out because they weren’t meant to be, but the right one will come along, i have faith!
Best of luck always <3
May 10, 2018 @ 12:59 am
Thank you so much for sharing Nina! Wow you almost lucked out not closing on the other home or you would have been stuck with that mess. So glad it all worked out!
XX,
Anna
May 10, 2018 @ 1:53 am
Ah, my heart hurts for you. I grew up slightly transient because of my parents constant fighting and money struggles and it really made me find roots when I finished college. (Not that your kids will feel bad this bad because my situation was different since it was a bad parent environment!) I know the feeling of just wanting to feel settled and safe and wanting to provide that for your kids. You will find a home and please don’t think about how others will perceive your response to these struggles and take comfort in that others can commiserate.
May 10, 2018 @ 3:50 am
Thank you so much for the kind words Maria. I know we will be fine and things will work out for us. But it is also comforting we are not alone in these struggles. Again thank you!
XX,
Anna
May 10, 2018 @ 4:33 pm
This post breaks my heart for you, Anna! You are so much stronger than I would be with all of that moving over the years and changes. Praying you find the perfect home soon! Xoxo
May 11, 2018 @ 6:32 pm
Thank you Ms P!
XX,
Anna
May 14, 2018 @ 6:25 pm
We all have our own struggles and it’s important to give them value and deal with them. I feel ya on the house hunting depression. We searched for our current house for over a year and I got super depressed towards the end. We made two offers on other homes before this home. And now we are hunting again, at least this time we are less pressured to move but I get scared to put my heart into it because it is so tough and emotional. I’m praying for you babe!
http://www.forthewonderer.com
May 16, 2018 @ 2:09 pm
Thank you so much!xx