My Personal Struggles.
I should start this post by saying I have a great life. John is the best husband,father and partner in life, a gal could ask for. And my kids are happy and healthy… And for that I am so so grateful.
If you’ve been following me for a while (you can read more about me HERE) you know I am from Poland. I have been here for 15 years. John and I have been together for over a decade now. And in the time together we have had so many life changes. We moved around for work, had kids, bought houses, changed jobs. Once back in 2008 we got laid off from our jobs (we used to work for the same company) on the same day. Talking about highs and lows!
Anyways I wanted to throw this out there because it all brings me to the point in life … TODAY. I seriously feel I have been homeless since 2009. Yes I have had a roof over my head. But we have been in and out of rentals, we bought homes, renovated homes and ended up selling them shortly after because of another work related move. I can say I am always up for another adventure with my hubby. But friends I am exhausted.
You know once you get pregnant the “nesting” kicks in. Well I never had a chance to do that. If or when we move again, this will be Reese’s 7th bedroom. And she’s only 7 years old. She has been asking us to paint her room pink and decorate it. And I have not been able to that for her…yet. Grant of course is unaffected because he is too little. He is turning 3 this month … and this will be his third move.
I have shared our struggles with house hunting on stories. I found a house I fell in love with, but the deal fell through because of (we just recently found this out) poor communication between realtors, lawyers and sellers. I was heartbroken but I moved on from that house. Since then there were two other homes we wanted to buy. One seller wanted us to remove mortgage contingency from the contract, we would never agree to that, so that deal was dead. And another seller didn’t accept our offer because other buyer had a higher down payment than us. Well there’s nothing we can do about that. Still searching for that money tree in my backyard haha
So here we are mid May… we have to be out of our current rental by the end of July. Which leaves us 2.5 months to find and close on a home. I have not been able to sleep at night… I struggle with daily activities. My life reminds me of an old commercial for depression medication “depression hurts, but you don’t have to” . So weird how I remember that line haha i guess that’s some good marketing. But seriously I never knew what that meant until now.
I have been so affected but this housing situation, that I have not been present in my own life. I just go through motions of my daily tasks. I am so behind at work, I don’t feel the drive or energy for it. I do what needs to be done for my kids… I take care of them. But I feel like I am faking life because on the inside I am really struggling. Reese’s Holy Communion is this weekend and I am trying so hard to pull myself together.
If you read this, you may think… get over yourself, just get another rental. And yes, my problems may seem so minute in comparison to what others may be dealing with in life. I get that. But being so transient, and that unsettled feeling really took a toll on me. I need to feel settled, even for a little bit. I have been watching my friends buy or build homes…and I am so happy for them. Is it too much to want the same for my family? John tells me not to worry, that we will find a place for us. Worst comes to worst we’ll stay in a hotel for a bit. That sounds so fun… until you remember you have two kids bouncing off the walls. How long can we stay in a hotel for? Few weeks at most. And then what? I guess we can give it our best shot, and if stars don’t align, find another house to rent or apartment.
Anyways I wanted to share what’s happening in my life with you all. This post just felt necessary for me to write, almost CATHARTIC… I know deep down we will be fine. The next weeks or month may just be even more tense and stressful, but we will get through it. I am not super religious but I do believe in GOD and power of prayer. I know everything happens for a reason, and certain tough times just prepare us for what’s to come.
I will keep you all posted on our situation. But in the mean time, keep us in your prayers or send positive vibes our way.
***the picture is from the last house we owned. We renovated it and made it my “dream home”. Sadly we only got to live there for few months before John was promoted and we moved to NY.